Riddles of Marriage: “The Five Stages of Praise”

Riddles of Marriage: "The five Stages of Praise"Out of sheer dumb luck (or perhaps repeated offense) I have stumbled upon five instances where I almost know the right timings to praise my wife. These findings are based on the undeniable fact that all women love, or have intense inclination towards, buying, wearing, watching, touching, showing off, and gossiping about clothes. Those women, who deny these facts are, (a) either single or, (b) have yet to sail on their self-discovery adventure.

For the benefit of the layman (husband) here’s a little when-to-Praise-your-wife guide. For maximum effectiveness, when you are praising your wife, try to cover as much ground as possible. In other words, don’t just praise one aspect of her existence, but instead praise her looks, lineage, wisdom, and other valuable traits that may or may not exist in her.

  1. The first stage when you should definitely, without fail, praise your wife is when she shortlists or selects a cloth/dress that she is willing to buy. At that time, you are supposed to praise her choice, appreciate her judgment, and then quickly buy her what she chose (even if her choice is comparable to sticking needles in the eyes).
  2. The next occasion is when that cloth/dress comes back from the tailor after any necessary alterations, or additions of pomp and glamour. Most wives would again show you the, now fully-ready, dress expecting you to say a few words regarding the item under spotlight.
  3. The third stage is the most critical. This is when the wife actually wears the dress to show to her husband for the first time in private. Go all out with praises on this occasion and use romantic adjectives like exquisite, lovely and honey-bun.
  4. The fourth stage of praise is when that dress is worn in public for the first time. As always, praise your brains out and tell her how fortunate you are for having such a fine and dandy wife. Praise her judgment, her choices, and tell her that her parents did such a fine job bringing her up. Again, no praise is beyond the limits for this stage.
  5. The last stage is a little tricky. This is when the wife wears the same dress second, third, or any number of times after the dress’s first public appearance. Some wives would get offended when you praise them in this stage because they have already worn this same dress earlier, and praising them again is like saying, you don’t remember them wearing this dress (which, by the way, is a major sin). Other wives would still love to hear how adorable they look even if they wear the same dress any number of times. So, this stage would require testing the waters while trying to stay afloat the very fragile praise boat of life.